Een dom blondje wil een nieuwe TV kopen en gaat
naar de electronicazaak. Daar ziet ze een TV staan die haar bevalt en ze
zegt tegen de verkoper dat ze die wil kopen. "Sorry, mevrouw," zegt de
verkoper, "maar wij verkopen niets meer aan domme blondjes, we hebben daar
al genoeg problemen mee gehad". Het domme blondje gaat teleurgesteld naar
huis. Omdat ze die TV echt wou hebben besloot ze haar haren bruin te verven.
De volgende dag staat ze weer bij de verkoper voor diezelfde TV. "Sorry
mevrouw," zegt de verkoper weer, "maar wij verkopen niets meer aan domme
blondjes". Verbaasd gaat het blondje weer naar huis, daar scheert ze haar
hoofd kaal en doet een zwarte pruik op. De volgende dag gaat ze weer naar
de verkoper. "Sorry mevrouw," zegt de verkoper weer, "maar wij verkopen
niets meer aan domme blondjes." "Maar hoe weet je nu verdomme dat ik een
blondje ben?!", vraagt het blondje. "Nou, dat is helemaal geen TV maar
een magnetron!"
Komt er een dom blondje bij de Kapper, met een
walkman op haar hoofd. Ze gaat in de stoel zitten en legt de kapper uit
hoe ze haar haar geknipt wil hebben.
"Dan moet je toch echt je walkman afdoen, want
anders kan ik je niet knippen", zegt de kapper. "Nee, nee, nee!" , zegt
het blondje, "Dan ga ik dood!" De kapper begrijpt er niets van, maar besluit
om toch maar te beginnen met knippen. Op een
gegeven moment knipt de kapper echter de draadjes
van de walkman door. Plots zakt het blondje in de stoel en blijft ademloos
zitten. De kapper weet niet wat er gebeurt en pakt het bandje uit de walkman
= van het blondje. Zet het aan op zijn
eigen stereo, en tot zijn verbazing hoort hij
: "Adem in........Adem uit.......adem in .......adem uit......"
Waarom krijgt een dom blondje maar een kwartier
middagpauze?
Anders moet ze weer opnieuw ingewerkt worden.
Een dom blondje en een brunette lopen over straat,
zegt die brunette:
"Kijk, een dood vogeltje!" Het blondje kijkt
omhoog en zegt: "waar dan?"
Waarom neemt een dom blondje een doorzichtige
broodtrommel mee naar haar werk?
Dan kan ze zien of ze naar het werk toegaat of
van het werk afkomt.
Hoe noemen ze het fenomeen dat een blondje haar
haar bruin laat verven?
Kunstmatige intelligentie.
Hoe maak je een dom blondje op maandagmorgen aan
het lachen?
Op vrijdagmiddag een mop vertellen.
Hoe vaak lacht een dom blondje om een mop?
3x: 1e keer als ie vertelt wordt, 2e keer als
ie uitgelegd wordt, 3e keer als ze hem snapt.
Wat vraagt een dom blondje als ze zwanger is?
Het is toch niet van mij, he?
Hoe kan je een dom blondje uren bezighouden?
Schrijf 'draai me om' op 2 kanten van een papiertje
Waarom is er nooit een dom blondje als Liftbediende?
Ze weten de weg niet.
Hoe maak je een dom blondje in de war?
Kan niet, ze worden zo geboren.
Waarom houden domme blondjes niet van M&Ms?
Ze zijn zo moeilijk om te pellen.
Hoe zie je het als een dom blondje een slechte
dag heeft?
Haar tampon bengelt achter haar oor terwijl ze
haar sigaret zoekt .
Hoe noem je een dom blondje met een intelligentie
afname van 90%?
Gescheiden.
Het domme blondje stierf tijdens het drinken van
melk, hoezo?
De koe ging zitten.
Wat is het verschil tussen een computer en een
dom blondje?
Computers hoef je maar 1 keer iets te leren.
Hoe kan je zien dat een fax verstuurd is door
een dom blondje?
Dan zit er een postzegel op.
Wat is de overeenkomst tussen een schildpad en
een dom blondje?
Als je ze op hun rug legt, gaan ze raar doen.
Waarom zit het gezicht van een dom blondje vol
met gaatjes?
Omdat ze probeerde om met een vork te eten.
Waarom hebben domme blondjes benen?
Om te lopen tussen de slaapkamer en de keuken.
Waarom hebben domme blondjes 2 hersencellen meer
dan een koe?
Zodat als je aan hun tepels trekt, ze niet gaan
loeien.
Waarom slikken domme blondjes de pil?
Dan weten ze welke dag het is.
Waarom werkt een dom blondje niet bij een apotheker?
Omdat ze het flesje niet tussen de typemachine
in krijgt.
Waarom is 06-11 in 112 veranderd?
voor de blondjes, want die konden de 11 niet
vinden.
De kerstman, een fee, een dom blondje en een slim
blondje zien op straat een briefje van 25 gulden liggen. Wie raapt het
briefje op?
Het domme blondje, alle andere personen bestaan
niet.
Wat is het verschil tussen een Ferrari en een
dom blondje?
Een Ferrari leen je niet uit aan een vriend.
Wat is het verschil tussen BigFoot en een slim
blondje?
Van BigFoot zijn ten minste nog sporen gevonden.
Waarom is een wasmachine beter dan een dom blondje?
Omdat die je niet achterna blijft lopen nadat
je hem gevuld hebt.
Wat krijg je als je een dom blondje 10 cent voor
haar gedachten geeft?
Wisselgeld terug.
Hoe noem je een dom blondje met 2 hersencellen?
Zwanger.
Hoe noem je een slim blondje?
Een golden retriever.
Wat zie je als je diep in de ogen kijkt van een
dom blondje?
De achterkant van haar hoofd.
Wat krijg je als je dom blondje kruist met een
gorilla?
Dat weten ze nog niet want de gorilla wil niet.
Wat is de overeenkomst tussen een dom blondje
en een bowlingbal?
De kans is groot dat ze beide in de goot eindigen
Wat is de overeenkomst tussen een dom blondje
en een flesje bier?
Vanaf de hals naar boven zit er niets meer in.
Hoeveel domme blondjes zijn er nodig om een chocoladetaart
te maken?
25, 1 om het deeg te kneden en 24 om de m&m's
te pellen.
Waarom zit een doof dom blondje naakt op een krant?
Omdat ze kan liplezen.
Waarom kan een dom blondje niet waterskieen?
Als haar poes nat wordt, gaan der benen automatisch
uit elkaar.
Wat is het verschil tussen een mug en een dom
blondje?
Een mug houdt op met zuigen als je hem slaat.
Hoe doet een dom blondje het licht aan na een
hevige vrijpartij?
Ze opent de deur van de auto.....
Waarom komt een dom blondje altijd droevig uit
London?
De Big Ben blijkt een toren te zijn.
Waarom verzamelen blondines kapotte gloeilampen?
Om een donkere kamer te bouwen.
Wat is het verschil tussen een valscherm en een
blondine?
Een valscherm opent zich niet altijd.
Wat hebben een eekhoorn en een blondine gemeen?
Ze springen van eikel naar eikel.
Wat krijg je als je een blondine naakt op haar
hoofd zet?
Een spaarvarken met een slechte adem.
Waarom stellen blondines zich op handen en knieen
na het vrijen?
Om er je creditcard door te laten glijden. <
Een blondine zet zich op de vlucht naar Mallorca
in eerste klas, ondanks het feit dat ze een economy ticket heeft. De hostess
vraagt haar om zich te verplaatsen, maar de blondine weigert. De purser
vraagt haar op zijn beurt hetzelfde, maar de blondine blijft zitten. De
purser vraagt een tweede hostess, toevalling een blondine, een allerlaatste
poging te wagen. De hostess fluistert de blondine iets in het oor, waarop
ze naar de economy klas spurt.
Wat heb je gedaan, wat heb je haar verteld?,
vraagt de purser. Oh, zegt de hostess, ik zei haar dat de eerste klas niet
tot Mallorca vliegt.
Wat is het verschil tussen het heelal en een blondine?
In het heelal is er nog hoop op intelligent leven.
Wat zijn de hersenen van een blondine in een plastic
zak?
Een airbag.
Wat zegt een blondine die wakker wordt onder een
koe?
Elk op zijn beurt jongens!
Een blonde hoer werd razend kwaad.
Ze kwam erachter dat de andere hoeren werden
betaald.
Een blondine trapte in een koeiestront en begon
waanzinnig te janken.
Ze dacht dat ze begon te smelten.
De bemanning van de Space Shuttle bestaat uit
twee blondines. Een blondine maakt een ruimtewandeling terwijl de andere
binnen blijft om de instrumenten te bedienen. Na de wandeling klopt de
ene blondine op de Shuttle-deur. Zegt de
andere blondine: "Wie is het?"
Hoe weet een blondine dat haar zus menstrueert?
Papas lul smaakt naar bloed.
Waarom opent een blondine een pak melk in de supermarkt?
Er staat "Hier openen" op.
Wat zeg je tegen een blondine die het niet met
je wil doen?
Ik weet het ook niet, het is me nog nooit overkomen.
Wat is het verschil tussen een blondine en HIV?
HIV ontwikkelt zich.
Waarom zijn er zo weinig blonde gymnastes?
Bij spreidstand kleven ze aan de grond.
Hoe merk je dat een blondine een vriendje heeft?
Zijn gesp staat in haar voorhoofd gedrukt.
Wat is het verschil tussen een blondine en een
bowlingbal?
Geen enkel. Beiden hebben drie bruikbare gaten.
Hoe noem je een blondine die een golfbal door
een 30 m lange tuinslang
kan zuigen? Schatje!
Waarom kunnen blondines zo goed zuigen?
Ze hebben een vacuum in het hoofd.
Waarom geven blondines geen borstvoeding?
Het doet te veel pijn wanneer ze hun borsten
koken
Wat doet een dom blondje als ze wakker wordt?
Naar huis gaan...
Waarom hebben domme blondjes TEE op hun schoenen
staan?
Tenen Eerst Erin.
Wat moet je doen wanneer een dom blondje een pin
naar je toe gooit?
Heel hard wegrennen, want ze heeft de handgranaat
nog in haar mond.
Hoe krijg je een dom blondje gek?
Geef haar een zak M&M's en zeg dat ze die
op alfabet moet leggen.
Wat denkt een Dom Blondje wanneer ze een bananenschil
ziet liggen op het
voetpad? "Ooh, nee, daar ga ik weer..."
Hoe klinkt een groepje blonde cheerleaders?
Wij zijn BLOND; wij zijn BLOND! B - L - O - euh
Wat is het voorbehoedsmiddel van een dom blondje?
Een bruine haarkleurspoeling.
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the
rest.
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can
you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London
are all in the middle row.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of
a piece of paper
Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.
Q: How do you know a blond likes you?
A: She screws you two nights in a row.
Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her
ass along the floor!
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
Q: What nickname is most used by blondes in order
to boost their popularity?
A: B.J.
Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
A: Because as soon as they are on their backs,
their legs open.
Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.
Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
A1: "All the blondes have gone home!"
A2: Has that blonde gone yet?
A3: When is that blond bitch going to leave!?
Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her
hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice
can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of
the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing
board.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a walrus?
A: One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the
other is a walrus.
Q: What's the difference betweena blonde and a
brick?
A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you
around for two weeks whining.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at
once.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes
have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over
the priceless Ming vase?
A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps
off.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than
horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the
streets during parades.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a
tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)
Q: How does the blond turn on the light after
she has had sex?
A: She opens the car door.
Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on
the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side)
I dunno!
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of
the pool.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the
yard.
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by
drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.
Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit
dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.
Q: What's the difference between a chorus line
of blondes and a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world
to have?
A: One that never misses a period.
Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
Q: Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her
twat when she stands?
A: Because the vaccum in her head keeps them
in place.
Q: What's the difference between having sex with
a blonde and eating Jell-o?
A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and
a lawyer?
A1: I don't know, there are some things even
a blonde won't do.
A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job,
it won't
stop until it gets blood.
Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
A: She was having sunny periods.
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde
pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below
the waist?
A: Marriage.
Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in
the meat.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to
rest your beer on.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to
alphabetise them.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or
at the end?"
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making
chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen
floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an
M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the
M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in
the little packet.
Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her
dress?
A: To keep her ankles warm.
Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't
know what she did with her cigarette.
Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.
Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
Q: Why does the blonde stand in front of a window
during a thunder storm?
A: She loves taking pictures (flashes, got it?).
Q: What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are
you sexually active?"
A: "No, I just lie there."
Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the
morning?
A: "Thanks, guys..."
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of
the pool?
A: Air pockets.
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs
brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the
entire Bengals team?
A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde
jokes.
Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes
on a corner?
A: You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey
with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide
and Seek?
A: One.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
A2: Their mothers told them not with their mouths
full.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence
gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
A: Divorced.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another
to pass her the blow dryer!
Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their
way.
Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her
ear, wondering what she
did with her pencil.
Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using
the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been
using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a
computer once.
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel
9....
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your
refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on
all the bosses' faces.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches
the impression in her forehead!
Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from
a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster
in one piece.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
the Panama Canal?
A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
Q: What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies
and a blonde track team?
A: The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
Q: What is the difference between a crazy fighting
hockey player and a blonde?
A: He is fussy by nature and would go to any
length to get a puck.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute,
a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says "Are you done already?"
The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the
ceiling beige."
Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a
blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your
toothbrush.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q: What's the difference between a blond having
her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q: What is the difference between a blond and
a toilet?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you
use it.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo",
while a
blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and
a bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling
ball.
A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: There is no difference. They're both round
and have three holes to poke.
A4: You don't eat your bowling ball
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and
the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000
men.
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and
a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their
back.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.
Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers
every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to
20 pounds."
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can
tell if they're going
to work or coming home.
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their
chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh
I get it!
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their
faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.
A: They are easier to keep amused.
Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!
Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than
a cow?
A: So that when you pull their tits, they don't
moo.
A2: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull
their tits.
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving
orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*
Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them
Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.
Q: What does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
A: They're both stuck up c*nts!
Q: Why do blondes wear tampons?
A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out
of the box.
Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: But why do brunettes take the pill?
A: Wishful Thinking.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.
Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.
Q: Why do blonds have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex!
Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
Q: Why do Blondes like the GST?
(GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect
in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.
Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their
ankles.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash
vegetables!
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over
their heads.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone
buttons.
Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short
black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!
Q: Why don't blonds breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their niples.
Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups
of water into those little packages.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the
morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.
Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
A: Bucket seats.
Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her
mate before having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat
rate?
Q: How many blondes does it take to change
a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves
around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one
to call, "Daaady!"
Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q: What is the difference between a blond and
a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747
Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A: A brunette with bad breath.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde,
and a smart blonde are walking down the street
when they spot a $10 bill.
Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such
thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or
a smart blonde.
A2: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb
blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a
building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask
for directions.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers
disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a
Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q: What is the difference between butter and a
blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and
"The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde
and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing
machine, and it won't follow you around for
a week.
Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and
no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer
killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde
have in common?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in
the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if
her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's
on. It's off.
Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have
in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny
for her thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her
ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with
blonde hair?
A: Last years hide and go seek winner.
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom
of the pool?
A: Air bubbles.
Q: What do you call a room full of women, half
with PMS, half with yeast infections?
A: A whine and cheese party!
Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another
blonde standing on a street corner?
A: 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion
f*cks, 4 f*cks!
Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.
Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering
wheel?
A: An Air Bag.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to
ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution
of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on
the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on
either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar
on her head?
A: Sweet Fuck All...
Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's
head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a
brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A1: A golden retriever.
A2: An indicator of a really bad hangover.
Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's
eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and
a gorilla?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla
can be forced to do...
Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four
bucks, four bucks.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their
hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in
common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean
to you until they go down on you.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand
grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in
common?
A1: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
A2: You can pick them up, stick your fingers
in them, and throw them
in the gutter and they'll always come back.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make
her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give
in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the (..............)?
insert team name here.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in
common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in
common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have
in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.
Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
Q: What do a blonde and Presdient Gorbachev have
in common?
A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
President Gorbachev?
A: He knows who the ten men were.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip
cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel
the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to
squeeze the rabbit.
Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before
the blonde's date.
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah,
oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Never mind that! What was she doing out of
the bedroom?!?
R: I don't know.
A: Neither did she.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.
Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS
over to Iraq?
A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain
water.
Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the
marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their
lives.
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her
stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right
box.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on
her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign
said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her
back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine
cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was
a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
A: Because she loved children.
Q: Why did the blond take her typewriter to the
doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant becaus missed
a period.
Q: Why did they call the blond twinkie?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.
Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and
then turn around and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14
inch Viking was a television.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on
the plane?
A: She'd just dyed her hair.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on
the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't
want it blown around too much.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she
finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick
to the floor.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in
the little packet.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or
at the end?"
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery?
A: Ever-ready.
Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette,...?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.
Q: What is the connection between a blonde and
a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford
Escort.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken
over by a demon?
A: A vacant posession.
Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers license?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!
Q: Why did she finally pass her test?
A: She took the examiner with her
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances
to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!
Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees
you on one.
Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket
have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win
Q: Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous?
A: Who cares
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and
an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray
Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes
pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor
Q: What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?
A: Nail polish!
(Visual Joke)
Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving
stick for the first time?
A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking
off motions)
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the
tuna.
Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net
bandwidth?
A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their
copies of the Blonde Joke List.
Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's
vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.
Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd
ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into
a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke
wouldn't fit.
Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde????
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear
children!
Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have
shot her?
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste
good.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs
and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's
License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow
into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the
left leg.
A: Nothing - they've never met.
Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A: She can't say "No".
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another
blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: Whats the difference between a Blonde and a
Supermarket Trolley.
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!
Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom
waitress (reading her nametag)?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name
the other one?"
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM,
SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering
wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Cause she blows the horn!!!!!
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: 'Cause everybody gets a turn.
Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed
by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking
a blonde and
a Schwinn at the side of the road?
A: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's .
. . .
Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery?
A: Ever-ready.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken
over by a demon?
A: A vacant posession.
Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge,
who would die first?
A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have
to stop and ask for directions.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and
a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull
your meat out of it.
Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What
do you use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were
found frozen to
death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles
in the typewriters.
Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose
father owns a pub.
Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
Q: How would a blond punctuate the following:
"Fun fun fun worry worry worry"???
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry
worry worry!
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea
in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a
pig under her arm.
She passes a person who asks "Where did you get
that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked
if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's
test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped
into the back seat.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that
90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their
brains out.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to
blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.